Monday, May 16, 2011

Life After Trump

Donald Trump has officially decided that he's not running for president after all. Trump's exit from the fray is both understandable nor much unexpected, but also sad, because he's the first Comedy Candidate to cut and run. Yesterday, Mike Huckabee also dropped his presidential bid, and Haley Barbour recently called it quits as well. That means the ratio of Very Serious Politicians to Comedy Candidates in the dropout column is currently 2 to 1. Which is kind of inexplicable, because if you look across the vast sea of buffoons that remains in the Republican presidential primary field, it's quite clear that even a portly redneck like Barbour or (formerly) portly redneck like Huckabee would be quite competitive.

I mean, let's review:

You have Mitt Romney, the guy who installed health-care reform before Obama made it cool, and such a diehard conservative that Matt Yglesias voted for him.

You have Newt Gingrich.

You have Rick Santorum, a man who truly believes that all homosexuals are going to burn in the darkest pits of hell, and a man whose name you should never, ever Google.

You have Sarah "In what respect, Charlie?" Palin.

You have Ron Paul, who thinks that black helicopters are coming to abduct anyone who stands in the way of the Rothschild plan for a New World Order.

You have Michele Bachmann, who thinks that black helicopters are coming to abduct anyone who stands in the way of the Rothschild plan for a New World Order.

Last and most definitely least, you have Tim Pawlenty, the Republican John Edwards, a candidate so oppressively mediocre that his grip on the nomination is still in doubt, despite his opponents being Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich, Sarah Palin, Ron Paul, and Michele Bachmann.

I guess there are a bunch of random scrubs as well, like Mitch Daniels (who?) or Jon Huntsman (isn't he a Democrat?) or maybe Rudy Giuliani (ha, that guy again?). Wikipedia informs me that Jimmy McMillan -- founder and, as far as I know, sole member of the Rent Is Too Damn High Party -- has also announced a bid for the Republican nomination. It sounds ridiculous until you realize that he probably has better name recognition among Republicans than Tim Pawlenty does.

The lesson here is that the primary is still anybody's game! And more importantly, we need at least one or two or twelve good debates with the whole raving crew, just for spectacle. So hang in there, everyone!

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