Monday, January 9, 2012

Wait, there's still a primary going on?

Well, technically there is, I suppose. But the contest is, for all intents and purposes, as good as over. Despite what you may have heard on television, Romney KOed the competition in Iowa. The going-ons in New Hampshire are something more akin to a victory lap than an actual campaign.

How can I be so sure? Because of this: poll after poll is confirming that Romney now leads in South Carolina.

South Carolina was going to be the last stand hope of the anti-Romneys. Its ludicrously conservative voters were going to stand athwart the Romney campaign and yell "stop." South Carolina was going to be Romney's Waterloo.

Except then Romney won Iowa (or maybe he didn't. But worrying about who actually won the Iowa caucuses ignores the essence of the contest, which is not so much about securing a plurality as it is about getting your name splashed across the media in a positive context, a prize Romney has already secured), and South Carolinian Republicans decided that they were basically okay with this Romney guy after all.

All it took for South Carolinian Republicans to leap gleefully onto the Romney train was an eight-vote nudge in Iowa. Imagine what'll happen after Romney wins New Hampshire in a 25-point landslide.

And when Mitt "Pro-Choice, Mormon Governor of Massachusetts" Romey takes South Carolina, it's safe to say he's going to take every other primary as well.

So that's all, folks. Exhale. Resume your lives. Over the next few days you'll see reams and reams of coverage coming out of the newspapers and cable stations, much of it featuring strange little men with names like "Gingrich" and "Santorum." Ignore it. None of those guys matters anymore. We have our winner, and despite the dearest hopes of so many Democrats and Republicans, it's just Willard Mitt Romney. As expected.

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